ability to fail

waiting to fail
while still holding on to every rope
that could keep me from failing

the potential to become everything
but somehow stuck at average
not even able to fail

keeping life as it is
while checking every box
calculating every risk
before making a single move

no feelings
no letting go
nothing raw
nothing real enough to build from

just careful decisions
safe choices
calculated moves

even when I let myself fall into the depths
I've already laid something soft beneath me

protecting myself from failure
so completely
that I never give myself
the chance to become anything more

I have made myself so difficult to destroy 
that I have also 
become difficult to transform